You’re Pretty and Smart…
The early days of me bartending
When I was younger, I hated being judged on my looks.
Not because I didn’t understand it…
but because of what seemed to come with it.
It felt like I had to choose.
Be the pretty one…
or be the smart one.
But not both.
The Box People Put You In
There’s a certain way people look at you when they decide who you are too quickly.
A compliment that doesn’t feel like one.
An assumption hidden inside a smile.
“You’re so pretty.”
And somehow, that meant I had to prove everything else.
That I was capable.
That I was thoughtful.
That I was more than what you saw first.
Working Twice as Hard to Be Taken Seriously
I found myself over-explaining.
Over-performing.
Overcompensating.
Making sure I sounded a certain way.
Carried myself a certain way.
Knew more. Did more. Proved more.
Because I didn’t want to be dismissed.
I didn’t want to be reduced to something surface-level.
The Quiet Frustration
What frustrated me the most wasn’t being seen as pretty.
It was feeling like that came with limitations.
Like beauty canceled out depth.
Like presence meant I lacked substance.
And that never sat right with me.
Because I knew who I was.
Reclaiming Both
Somewhere along the way, I stopped trying to choose.
I stopped shrinking one part of myself to make another part more comfortable for people.
I allowed myself to be:
thoughtful and expressive
intentional and intuitive
grounded and soft
I allowed myself to exist fully.
There Was Never a Choice
The truth is… there was never a choice to begin with.
That was something placed on me.
Something I internalized.
Something I had to unlearn.
Because I am not one thing.
And I don’t need to minimize any part of myself to be taken seriously.
What I Know Now
I know now that people will always try to categorize you.
It makes things easier for them.
But I don’t have to participate in that.
I don’t have to explain myself into being understood.
I don’t have to earn the right to be seen fully.
Closing
You can be pretty.
You can be smart.
You can be complex, layered, evolving.
You can be all of it.
Without apology.
Without explanation.
Without choosing.
Call To Action
Have you ever felt like you had to choose between different parts of yourself to be taken seriously?
What would it look like to stop choosing… and just be?